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Today I want to talk more about what a safe person might look like. Please don't turn today's presentation into a formula. It is the application of formulas in relationships that make being a safe person go out the window.
You have to remember that any person's greatest need is to be known and to be accepted in the knowledge of who they are. We often look at where a person is today and see the need for change in their lives so that that person can be more like what we think God wants our lives to be. I may be completely wrong in my analysis of this strategy, but I think this is such a damaging and shame based way of trying to relate to another human being.
Approaching a person as thought they are a project is so demeaning. Making the foundation of a relationship be all about making someone different than what they are today is not a sound approach as far as I can see when it comes to how God relates to us. Through Jesus Christ, God sees us as perfect. He doesn't see any need for change, as far as I understand the gospel of Christ. Christ did it all. It isn't Jesus plus change that makes it so we can have an eternal relationship with God. It is Jesus alone!
When we approach another person with the idea that we are there to help them become more Christ like, we defeat the purpose God has for us in this world. Even in the most sinful circumstances, God sees the sinner as perfect through the lens of Jesus Christ. God wants the best for us and that's why He has us on a process called sanctification. Of course we are going to change as we walk with God through this process. But, change isn't the goal. Relationship is. God knows that by being in relationship with Him, His love will make change something that will always be the case. He isn't interested in how fast we change. He desires that we get to know Him better. He is willing to get dirty and take a lot of time in the process of change that happens as we get to know Him.
All too often we act exactly the opposite. Our safety in relationship comes into question as we try to short change the sanctification process. We are way to quick to give quick fix, Biblical solutions to common problems that plague many of us in the world today. More reading of the Bible, more prayer, more worship, more fellowship, more of any Christian discipline is definitely a help in the process of change. As important as these disciplines are, they are not formulas for change. Relationship is what empowers the application of disciplines. We become safe when our goal is relationship and not change.
I came across an amazing book called "Safe People." Written by Drs. Henry Cluod & John Townsend, this book is the bible of what it takes to find and be a safe person. I highly recommend that you take a look at some of the resources Cloud and Townsend produce. It will change how you interact with others in your life.
On their website, Cloud & Townsend have an article describing what it is to be a safe person. They use the following scripture as their foundation for how safety becomes something we all can exhibit in our relationships. Read with me now today's Bible verse.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14 (NIV)
Cloud & Townsend point out that there are three elements of Christ's life shown in this verse that exemplify what it looks like to be a safe person in relationship. They are dwell, grace and truth. I'm going to borrow from their teaching on this subject to see how we are to apply these three characteristics with the hopes we too can be a safe person for others looking for answers in the world.
The word dwell is such a powerful word in today's reading. Cloud and Townsend said that this word means to encamp. It is like when an army comes and besieges a city. They surround the city. They make it difficult for the inhabitants to come or go. Of course the army's goal is to take over the city. The key to this characteristic is that the army is willing and able to ride out the resistance for long periods of time. They are in it for the long haul. They are willing to sacrifice large chunks of their time, energy and resources to wear down the resistance that they come against.
Where a conquering army is making this sacrifice in order to overtake their opponent, Christ dwells with us in this way to help us overcome all the coping mechanisms we lean upon to see our need for complete dependence on God Himself. Fact is, Christ dwelling with us might not be enough to overcome the power of our free will. God is willing to waste His time and resources on us hoping we will give in to Him. That's how we are to be as well.
It isn't that those we have relationship with are to give into us. It is that we are to be the hands and feet of a loving God. We are to surround the hurting, not with quick fixes and blame, but with love and tolerance. This process takes time. We aren't in control of when the end will come. All we are called to do is to be willing to be in the process of dwelling with those God brings into our sphere of influence.
This is the dirty and time consuming part of relationship that we are way to quick to avoid. It is much easier to just dump a few Bible verses on the hurting and send them on their way. Jesus doesn't do this. He tarries with them. He gets down in the mud with them and shows them His love. How do I know this? He has done this for me more than I can explain. He has done it for you as well. I think He is asking that we be safe people for those He loves so that, they too can experience an abiding, dwelling and lingering love that we have enjoyed in our lives as well.
We aren't a dwelling kind of people. We are in constant motion. Other societies are amazed at our need for speed and movement. There is an African Proverb that really speaks to this condition in our society. It says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
When it comes to being a safe person, we have to decide if we want speed or distance. If speed is what is needed, my advice is don't be in a position to counsel others. All you will do is to make more of a mess of a messy situation. I want to go far. I want my faith to be something that lasts. I want my walk with God to have long term implications in my life and in the lives of others. I think this happens as I change my need for speed for a desire for distance. Christ modeled distance as He chose to dwell for the long term with us.
That's all the time we have for today. Tomorrow we will look at the other two characteristics of a safe person. For now, think about what it means to you that Christ dwell with you. Then take that feeling and turn it out towards others God brings into your path. I guaranteed the results won't be as quick as they would be with a quick fix, but the impact of dwelling with one another is what makes our victor status have the power to change the world around us today.
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