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“When self-centeredness is fueled by victimization, we are in danger of becoming victimizers in our own life.”
As quoted from the book "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim-Based Society" by John H. Hovis Page 204.
If we really want to live this life as the victor God has made us to be we have to come to grips with the difference between simple selfishness and self-centeredness. Not knowing the difference can make us think in ways that allow victim thinking to be a real possibility.
Selfishness is a natural trait placed in all creation to help us survive this life. This might sound kind of crazy but selfishness even exists in the plant world. Don’t believe me? Just check out how pine trees and oak trees grow. The height and breadth of these magnificent trees is actually a strategy that helps guarantee their own survival. They branch out in ways so as to block the sun from anything growing underneath their trunk. In some species they actually secrete a chemical that makes any growth from happening underneath their branches. In doing so they kill off any other plant life that might rob the tree of the nutrients they need to thrive. A perfect picture of selfishness if you ask me.
Same goes for the human species. We are just as selfish as the plant world when it comes to making our way in the world. Though we might not position ourselves in ways that will cause permanent harm to another we do things with self preservation in mind that I believe can be classified as selfishness. That kind of selfishness is totally understandable. As long as it isn’t used to the detriment of another, I believe this kind of selfishness is something we should not get too worried about in this life.
Self centeredness is a totally different animal altogether. Self centeredness happens when our selfishness takes us into greater and greater places where our needs, rights and desires become a singular focus. It is when we become demanding of others when it comes to our needs, rights and desires that we cross from natural selfishness to damaging self-centeredness. In that place of demand is where victim thinking takes control and we are placed in positions where we can become victimizers to those we love.
Self-centeredness fueled by victim thinking is a dangerous place for a person to remain. It is when the bad things of this life hit us in ways where we begin to take on the persona of a victim that the demands for a self centered result can cause damage to others in ways we would have never considered.
Look at what the Bible says about the subject.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; Philippians 2:3 (NIV)
Self-centeredness fueled by victim thinking makes it so that we see ourselves as more important than anyone else. We would never admit that but deep down inside that is exactly how we feel. It is as though the rest of the world exists to meet our needs and when that doesn't happen, a demanding spirit can be what makes victimizing events a real possibility in our lives.
The answer to this delima is such a difficult prospect for victim thinkers to apply in their lives. It is when we take our eyes off ourselves and start to look at others as being more important that self-centeredness begins to loosen its grip in our lives.
I'm in no way saying we are to ignore our own needs. That is totally impossible. I'm only saying that the need to recognize when our demand for self is making us cross the line from selfishness to self-centeredness. Then we can be in a better position to let humility be such that we can focus on others in ways that allows us to better live a perfectly normal, selfish life without letting self-centeredness cause damage all around us.
Next time you hear that voice coming from deep down inside saying that you deserve that need you are so missing in your life, think where you are on the selfishness, self-centeredness spectrum. Staying too long on the side of self-centeredness is where victim thinking can't help but be the norm. Victors realize that they need things in this life but stop short as best as they can from demanding others to meet those needs in ways they might not have been designed or empowered to do.
Let God be the one that holds you up in times of plenty as well as in times of scarcity. Then, and only then, will you be in a position to live like the victor He has made you to be.
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