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I hope this isn't coming off as beating a dead horse, but I want to spend one more day on being a safe person. We have taken the past three days to talk about what a safe person is to look like. We have seen that it takes a willingness to dwell with another, show grace to that person and be able to give the entire truth to those we are honored to be part of offering counsel to. It is when we fail in any or all of these areas that we become unsafe and I believe ineffective at having impact in this world.
Today I wanted to spend some time going over a couple situations where I have seen my safety go away quickly. Please don't take today's talk as gospel when it comes to being safe in another person's life. These examples are nothing more than experiences I have be a part of where the results I think God had in mind fell short because I was quick to act in what I now see as being unsafe ways. Let's take a look at a couple situations and see what we can learn.
Did you know that prayer can actually be unsafe! I know you prayer warriors out there are ready to burn me at the stake for such a heretical statement as that. Hang with me a second and let me explain what I mean.
Prayer is a powerful weapon we have been given. But just like weapon, we have to know when it is time to bring out the big guns. Have you ever heard the expression - "Don't take a gun to a knife fight?" Just like any tool, weapons of war were meant for certain circumstances. Using the wrong tool at the wrong time can actually cause more damage than good.
Prayer can be used incorrectly when we simply jump to prayer rather than letting God do what He wants to do in that person's life. We should be praying all the time. Even when a person is explaining their situation to us, prayer should be happening in as unobtrusive and non-conscious way as possible. It can be very damaging to offer up prayer before prayer is meant to be the weapon of choice. Here's such an example.
Let's say you are new to a Bible study group. Let's go on to say you are known as a real prayer warrior. Maybe in this particular study group someone is there who has been dealing with a really serious issue in their lives. That issue might have been something that has plagued them for years and years. Maybe for the first time tonight, they feel the courage to open up and discuss what has been going on.
This is a crucial moment for the person opening up their heart. They are actually testing the waters. They want to know if they are going to be loved and accepted in their current state or if religion is going to rule the day. Jumping right to prayer short changes this precious moment. You are already praying, or you should be. Do we really need to stop this highly relational time of bonding to get into some standardized posture of prayer?
Like I said before, you should already be praying in the spirit. What is God saying? What questions are coming to mind? What is the story of this person's soul that has lead them to this point this particular evening? This is what God wants to happen. It rarely does when we convert this time to a conventional prayer experience. There will be plenty of time to pray. Now's the time to listen. Listen to God. Listen to your brother or sister sharing their heart. Listen and learn. The safety you establish now will make it so much easier to go down some pretty difficult roads later in this person's life.
I have ruined many moments by going to prayer too quickly. I have basically told total strangers that I don't have time for them by taking their situation to God before I took time to get to know what is really going on in their lives. Plus, my words in prayer can sound so condemning.
"Please help this person" - sounds like they are helpless and without power when coming from someone they don't know is safe. "Please heal their condition" - sounds like there is something wrong with them in ways that create a them and us kind of atmosphere. "Please show them your love" - sounds like the person doesn't know the love of God - that they are somehow on the outside of our little club when these words come from an unsafe place. Satan loves to take our prayers and use them to shame and condemn those we pray for. He can't do so when we have earned the right to be safe with the person we are praying for. That happens as we take time to know them and their situation and show them how much God loves them just where they are at.
If praying for someone can be an unsafe strategy, hang on to your hats because my next example will blow your mint. Sharing Jesus before it is time is one of the most unsafe things we can ever do. That's right we even have to be extremely aware of our words when we are in a position where we might be tempted to share who Jesus is in our lives.
I was at a Church event one evening. The teacher had just finished one of the best talks on the love of God I had ever heard. Up comes a young woman friend of a friend of mine. My friend was someone I have known a quite a while. He struggles with drug addiction, so did his lady friend. I noticed this young woman was undone by the message given that night. She talked to the speaker and sobbed over what she had heard. As she pulled herself together, my friend brought her over and introduced her to me.
I felt like God was wanting me to ask about what it was that so touched her about that evening's message. She said that she had never thought that anyone could lover her in her current condition. She shared with me her struggles with drugs. She told me how sad she was that her earthly father had died before she was able to kick her habit and live a normal life. The thought that anyone could love her in her mess was more than she could comprehend. Here's where trouble began.
Standing there, I thought to myself, what a perfect opportunity to bring Jesus into the conversation. Before I asked God is that was the right thing to do, I turned our talk to Jesus. It was like someone turned off a light switch in her eyes. She simply went dead. One moment she was alive in the love of God - the next was like the lights were off and no one was home. One mention of the name of Jesus and, boom, it was all over.
I don't remember what she was saying from that point on. I was too busy praying in the spirit. I was asking God what just happened? I felt Him respond with the question, "Did I say that you were to mention Jesus right now?" Of course He didn't. I didn't give Him the chance to guide me. I just seemed like the logical thing to do to mention Jesus at a Church event about God's great love for us. When it comes to conventional wisdom, God's just isn't. He isn't conventional at all, and His wisdom isn't the same as ours.
Fortunately God gave me a means to get back on course. He showed me how to turn the conversation back to the father's love in a way that switched the lights back on in this young woman's soul. Her eyes came alive again. I never saw this woman again. Imagine if I we had parted company with the lights turned off in her life? I became an unsafe person by making Jesus the point when God's love was all this woman needed at that moment.
I'm in no way saying that you aren't to pray or that you should not mention the name of Jesus. What I am saying is that you need God to be in control of every moment that you are in contact with another person. That's what makes you safe. If He isn't guiding you, you will be unsafe. It is when we are unsafe towards one another that damage occurs. When we are being safe people, things happen. The power of our identities come out in ways that make impact something we can experience time and time again.
I hope these last few days have helped to point out the importance of being safe when it comes to our interactions with one another. It doesn't matter if you are taking with a believer or a non-believer, being a safe person is what endears you to another. Being safe is what opens up another person to you. Being safe makes you a valuable asset to another human being. Being safe takes practice. Being safe starts with the desire to make a difference. Let God work through you today in ways that turn your counsel into the power packed thing is was destined to be.
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