Thoughts that have come from various quotes taken from the book, "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim Based Society" by John H. Hovis. Click here to link directly to the audio file.
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"God never intended for us to cope, He intended for us to prosper! That prosperity is a flourishing of peace in the soul that simply won’t happen by creating coping mechanisms to defend our soul’s interpretation of who we are."
As quoted from the book "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim-Based Society" by John H. Hovis Page 111.
A friend of mine use to cringe when she asked someone, "How are you doing?" and then received the answer "Fine." This woman was kind of unusual when it comes to being relational. She actually wanted the real answer when she asked about someone how they were doing. Don't you know that when you ask someone, how they are doing, it is a rarity that you really want to know? Way too many times in my life the answer, "Fine" was good enough for me.
This friend told our church one day that the word "Fine" bothered her so much she came up with an acronym as to what "Fine" means to her in relationship. She said "Fine" now means "Feeling Insecure, Needing Engagement." Now that's a victor's way of looking at another person. I know for a fact that this woman would spend time getting out of you how you are really doing if you dared answer her inquiry with the common place response of "Fine."
I don't think this woman was being a busy-body in her approach with others. I don't think she was being disrespectful either in her description of what the word "Fine" meant to her in relationship. No, I believe she is acting in a way that, I now see as, reflecting the heart of God. She, like the God she serves, craves relationship in a healthy way. My friend was being just like her dad in Heaven and making relationship something that she valued in her life. She was on a mission to help other children of God value a deep connection with others and with their father too.
I have to be honest with you. This woman isn't what I would call an extrovert. By all accounts, she is a pretty private person. It isn't that this woman is acting out of a deep seated and potentially codependent need to be in the lives of people. I believe her relational mission comes from the fact that God took time with her to get to know who she is. She has come into contact with her identity as God sees it. That has made a lasting impact on this dear friend.
That's what I'm hoping these presentations do for you as well. I'm hoping that you get infected by the relationship bug. It is in the connections we make as we go through life where the power of God can be seen the greatest. If we are children of a relational King then relationships should play a significant role in our lives.
When I talk about relationship, I know many of you want to crawl in a corner. I'm one of those people. In large groups I just want to be on the periphery. At any large function you will typically find me on one side of the room or another talking to one or two people at a time. I'm really an introvert but, I too have been touched by the call for relationship.
What I have found is that connecting with folks has really helped me in my walk with God. I learn a lot when I'm willing to listen and be heard. As I am drawn to open up about my life, I have found that I'm not alone in the challenges that I face. It has been through conversation that many of the most profound ah-ha moments of life have come about. Through relationship I have been able to trade my ability to try and cope with life for a way where I'm prospering like never before.
Our souls need connection. They weren't meant to go through life, carrying the heavy burdens this world places on us. Ultimately, God is meant to be in the yoke of life with us. Often times He is when we come alongside others walking similar paths of life. I believe that it is as we live out a "Love God and Love Others" kind of life we are quick to trade coping for the prosperity of peace in our soul.
I heard a presentation by a very talented Pastor named Ken Baugh this past weekend. Ken is an amazing speaker and has a depth to him that is something to behold. He made a comment about relationship that really caught my attention. Ken said that there is only one thing God pointed out that was not good in the Garden of Eden. Can you guess what it was?
No, it wasn't the serpent. It wasn't even the hundreds of things that might be annoying to you and me today. The only thing that God said was not good in the Garden was that man was alone (see Genesis 2:2 and check it out for yourself). Ken then went on to ask, "Was man really alone?" Didn't Adam walk with God every day - that's what scripture says. So, was man really alone?
The point Ken was making was that on this side of heaven, relationship is part of what makes life something God sees as being good. In fact, Ken goes on to say that without relationship, any meaningful change we strive to have in our lives just isn't possible. When it comes to meaningful change, God might not be enough - we need each other as well! I'm starting to believe Ken is exactly right.
Here's what God says about the power of relationship.
A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 (NASB)
I see two kinds of relationships in this passage. There is the friend that loves at all times. This kind of relationship represents the connections God places in our lives. Friends in your life might include that person you had a very simple conversation with on the patio at church last weekend. It might even be the check out person at the grocery store you see every week and say "Hi" to. Friend, to me in this context, can be a total stranger that I might come upon in my daily activities. Though I might not be destined to a long term relationship in their lives, I believe that God makes these connections happen so that seeds of love can be planted everywhere we turn.
The second kind of relationship I see in this passage is that of brother. This person was born for adversity. This, to me, isn't a premonition as to bad times coming that brother's way. It is more about the kind of relationship these two have. The brother is someone you can call anytime day or night. He or she is a safe person - that means you can tell them anything without judgement or condemnation. These kinds of relationships are few and far between - and they should be. I can count on one hand the number of people that fall into the brother category. This isn't a knock on my relational ability. It is a reality due to the work it takes to allow a person to become a brother in your life.
God created us so that we could be in relationship with Him. He didn't place us here to just cope as we go through the motions in life. He placed us here to thrive. It is when we are as serious about relationship as God is that that thriving comes alive for those of use looking to live out this victor's life.
So, how are you doing today? If you are tempted to answer, "Fine" remember my friend. Maybe you are suppose to be a little more direct with your response. Maybe that directness will help make a friend. Maybe your answer will identity a brother. Either way, as God's child you need your father and you need others as well. Make today be a day filled with relational encounters. Then, maybe the drive to cope will be replace with the reality of peace in your soul.
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