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As quoted from the book "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim-Based Society" by John H. Hovis Page 177.
One of the hallmarks of those of us being set up for victim thinking is that we indiscriminately use the words "have to" to describe normal, everyday events in our lives. I have to go pick up my kids. I have to go to Church. I have to spend the evening with my wife. As I have said before, "have to" speaks of obligation. Obligation makes our souls believe that our freedom is under attack in ways that puts our will, intellect and emotions on high alert.
Do we really mean that your kids, your church and/or your spouse are obligations? Sure there are tasks that we have committed to do when it comes to these important parts of our lives, but is obligation really the best word to describe what we are doing for and with them?
Think about it. Do you really want your spouse to be obligated to spend time with you? Doesn't that sound like the furthest thing from freedom and love to you? It's like you are forcing them to do something horrible as though spending time with you is a chore like no other in their lives. Is that what we mean when we say, "I have to spend the evening with my wife?" I sure hope my wife never gets the idea that spending time with her is something I see as a chore that I have to suck up and just do. If it is, I have bigger problems than just victim thinking in my life that needs to be addressed.
"Have to" are't magic words of some kind. They aren't casting a spell over our lives that guarantees bad things will come our way. No, these two simple little words communicate a picture to our souls that might not be as accurate a snapshot as to what is going on at any given moment. It is when our souls gear up for a fight that we can cause others to be victimized by our actions in ways we never intended.
I'm trying to pay attention to my words particularly when I'm attempting to communicate my need to take on a task in my life. I would much rather use the words "Get to" to describe those things I am involved in. "Get to" speaks of opportunity where "Have to" speaks of obligation. I have said it before but, the soul loves opportunity and hates obligation.
You see opportunity speaks of freedom where obligation speaks to bondage. If I am obligated I am bound to that thing in ways that my soul really doesn't like to let be a part of my existence. Opportunity, on the other hand, conveys a positive spin on a situation that our soul loves to get behind and make the best happen for our lives.
The Bible can be read in such a "have to" kind of way. There are a lot of do's and don't when it comes to what the Bible teaches in some places. Following the logic I've presented here, "have to's" in the Bible sets up our soul to fight what God is saying in ways He never intended for us to experience. It is as though when we read the Bible with a "have to" approach we are making our souls an enemy of God Himself. That's not a very life giving place for our souls to take us.
I once came across today's Bible reading and took on a "have to" kind of approach. Before I describe the results of my actions, let's read what God's word says.
Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord. Psalm 128:1-4 (NIV)
Who doesn't want to be prosperous? Who doesn't want the relationships with their spouse and children to be all they can possibly be? Who of us doesn't want as much blessing as they can possibly have? As I read today's Bible verses, I can't help but to believe that if I obey God then these things will come my way.
When I first came across this verse I decided that I wanted all these blessings and more that are promised in the Bible when I obey God. So, I decided to start reading the Bible to come up with a list of what God wants me to be obedient to. Anywhere I saw words that seemed to be speaking towards direction, I wrote them down. I wanted to develop a definitive list of do's and don'ts that I could use to help secure as much blessing as I could obtain.
After a couple weeks of this exercise I get totally disappointed. I learned that the commands from God are overwhelming. After having only gotten through a small portion of the Bible I had a couple pages written front and back with what I needed to do to be obedient to God. I quickly saw how hopeless it was to try and use my abilities and efforts to obey God.
I have to be honest, I was pretty disappointed and dismayed. If I can't obey God, how could I ever receive blessing from Him as I saw verses like today's reading explaining? Victim thinking quickly took over since it appeared that I was being set up to be a victim at every turn by God. Fortunately, I saw where I had made some wrong assumptions.
First of all, God wants us to be overwhelmed with "have to" tasks when it comes to relating to Him. Did you get that - He wants us to fail at obeying Him if we are obeying out of obligation and not love. Why would He want us to fail? Because, "have to" tasks make us feel like we are losing our freedom and Jesus came to set us free, not bind us up!
Sure there are things God is going to send our way that will call for our obedience. In doing so, He is hoping that we will see those tasks as the opportunities that "get to" tasks bring to our soul. Even in the hard things of life that seem to have passed through the hands of God "get to" is such an important concept for the victor to apply. It is when we come to realize that the blessing that comes with obedience is actually the time spent in the presence of God. That's when victor living takes on an unmistakable power in our lives. .
"Have to" makes us view God in a regimented and callus way. "Get to" makes it easier to view God in a personal and relational way. We need our souls to realize that God is for us not against us so that we can get our wills, our intellect and our emotions to line up and be empowered to do the things God has for us to do in this world.
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