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"Transparency is a terrible enemy to the victim thinker, except when transparency is used as a tool to get the sympathy that might make them feel OK about themselves."
As quoted from the book "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim-Based Society" by John H. Hovis Page 129.
It is a scary thing to be open, I mean really open with another person. What if they think less of you for what you say? What if their judgement of you is so harsh that they reject you all together? What if they spread that sensitive news about you to others so that they too will reject you? Transparency is a terribly threatening option in our lives.
This world has done an amazing job of making it so that we have to keep up facade after facade in our lives. The walls we build to keep people from peering inside our of lives are actually keeping them away from who we really are. For most of us that is a totally OK scenario. It is when we really don't know who we are that walls are a good thing so as to keep people from discovering the fact that we are clueless when it comes to identity.
A friend of mine said this about facades. He said we have these partially constructed walls all around us to shield people in our various circles of influence from seeing the real us. We have facades at work, facades at home, facades for our neighbors and even facades when we are driving on the highway. He then said the worst thing of all happens. We get exposed to a church family. Then another entirely different set of more and more intricate facades are required to keep those we see as the perfect people around us from seeing how imperfect we really are. It all becomes too much to bear!
There is nothing more freeing than to be able to live as facade free as possible. That's what transparency is all about. It is when we can be open with others about the realness of our lives and be accepted in that realness is when life takes a turn from victim thinking to victor living. Transparency is the beginning of a walk with God that lets us live in a place of acceptance, love and identity unlike anything else we can do in our lives.
The Apostle Paul wrote today's Bible reading on the subject of being open to one another.
As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 1 Corinthians 12:20-25 (NIV)
It is when we are unified in the fact that we are different and that difference is what makes us a powerful force that we can be open about who we really are. We really don't have to be closed about our short comings and our failings. They literally help shape the way we lean into this God of ours. Were it not for the negative ways we want to keep hidden we would have no need for the saving grace that has been so freely given to us all. God doesn't seem to mind the negative habits in our lives, why should any one else mind?
This is in no way a license to freely do what we want, particularly when what we want to do is considered sin. It is merely a statement of fact that in spite of who we are at this moment, God cares for us. He actually sees us as perfect, blameless and without fault all because of the work of Jesus in our lives.
So what's a person to do with transparency? Are we to step up on the stage at our church and air all our dirty laundry? Good God No! I hate to say it this directly but church can be one of the most unsafe places to be transparent. Any group, including a church group, can be a place where judgement is used to make conformity something seen as a benefit. Unity and conformity are two diametrically opposed things in my humble opinion.
No, transparency needs to be done in a safe place. That is usually one on one in godly relationships used to sharpen each other. I have a number of men in my life that I can openly share anything without fear of judgement or rejection. That gives me the freedom to let God in in ways where the negative attributes of my life can be changed by Him. The love these men show me through their acceptance of me in spite of my sinful ways is a mirror image of what God does for us all.
You need to get that mess in your life out. It isn't an option! You can't live the life of a victor hiding behind walls that are so feebly constructed. You need people who aren't interested in changing you. You need others who can love you like God does, unconditionally and without judgement.
Take time to do an inventory today. Who in your life is someone you view as safe. If you can't think of anyone like that, it is time to go on the hunt. They are there. They are in your church. Ask God to direct you to them. They are waiting to love you in a way that will open your eyes to the power of God's love for this world that your soul longs to see. Live the fullness of the victor's life God has set before you. Get out from behind all those walls and let the beauty of God shine from you in ways that will change lives today.
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