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"Offense has that amazing ability. Once offended, a person is closed to hearing anything about that offense until such time as they judge that those who have offended them have been punished enough."
As quoted from the book "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim-Based Society" by John H. Hovis Page 202.
It's like our ears close up when we are offended. We just can't seem to hear when it comes to the issue that offended us. What a shame! Even in situations that has resulted in offense there are things that can be learned that make victor living even more possible. It is so difficult to allow ourselves to be taught when we refuse to hear.
What can be learned by hurtful words that might offend us? There are two things that I have seen that might be the result of words that have offended me in the past. First of all I have discovered that often times the words spoken that offended me really weren't meant to be an offense at all. Secondly, I have found that even in the most offensive words spoken there just might be some element of truth that I might benefit from considering and applying in my life. If I remain deaf by offense, I will never be able to discern any element of the truth that might be a part of the hurtful words and/or I might discount the person saying words I found hurtful. Let's take a look at both issues to see what we can learn.
I can't tell you how many times loved ones have said something that I took offense to. Many of those times I choose to do what I have so often do when offended in the past and just close those people off from my world. I way too many cases than I care to admit, the words that worked to offend me were never meant to do so. In other words, the person who said something to offend me had never intended to do so. I had misinterpreted or misunderstood what they said in ways where my buttons were pushed. They weren't the problem - I was! I have written off way too many relationships because of a misunderstanding. That's tragic.
How many relationships have I become deaf to because of offense? Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of haters out there who want nothing more than to bring offense and more into your life. Those are the kinds of relationships that I don't need to have in my life. But to lose relationship with someone over misunderstanding something in a way to make me deaf as a result of offense is a horrible waste of potential.
Losing potentially valuable relationships is the first reason we should not let offense make us deaf to the world. The second reason that kind of selective hearing is so detrimental when offense is at hand is that we might miss some truth that is behind the hurtful words.
I've said it before but I need to say it again. In order for a lie to work there has to be some element of truth there or it just ins't effective. I believe that there are times when offensive things are said where truth, no matter how small, might be a part of what is being said. How it is said might be something we can complain about and have every right to react to but becoming deaf to any amount of truth is a dangerous plan for the victor in this world.
What I try to do now when someone says something I find offensive is to be as objective as possible. I want to find any spec of the truth and then own as much as I can of that truth so that my life will be all it can be. A friend of mine did this when someone said something offensive to him. He said that, upon evaluation, he found that 5% of what was said was true. The other 95% was completely wrong from his vantage point. My friend took an amazing stand and said he wants to own 100% of the 5% of what was said. Don't you know that kind of approach goes a long way to making him live out his victor status in power filled ways.
The Bible says this about offense.
A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a citadel. Proverbs 18:19 (NIV)
Here's a good piece of advice for you today. Don't be that brother talked about in our reading. Offense makes us deaf - it makes us harder to be won over than a strong city! Don't let offense drive you to places where victim thinking takes control.
Remember that God is the final arbiter of who you are and how well you have handled the amazing gift of this life He has provided. The words of others are nothing more than opinions that can't be proven as definitively as the words God has spoken over you. Your status as a victor can only be challenged if you let offense deafen you to the reality of who you are in God's eyes. I pray that you have ears to hear and set yourself from from the bondage of offensive situations that will come against you today.
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