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"Striving isn’t bad in all circumstances, but it
is a killer in relationship."
As quoted from the book "Victor - Breaking Free From a Victim-Based Society" by John H. Hovis Page 79.
Striving is defined as the act of making great effort at achieving or obtaining something. Often times, the fact that someone is willing to strive to get what they want is a fantastic character trait. I have found, however, that striving is not something that works well when it comes to relationships.
In its worst form, striving in relationships is what one might call stalking. This extreme kind of striving comes when someone is so fixated at being part of another person's life that they are willing to do things that are nothing short of scary in order to get the connections they so crave. Although this is an extreme example of the detriments to striving when it comes to relationships, I believe that relationships need something more than an undeterred drive for interaction to really make them work.
Here's why I say that. Typically the person striving to gain something sees that thing as absolutely critical to their lives. There might be a sense that if they don't get what they are striving for their lives will be greatly impacted in a negative way. They are willing to do just about anything they can to gain what they want. As I said earlier, this isn't such a terrible thing when it comes to career, education and other worldly goals where effort is required to get to where you want to be.
It is when we place such a high priority on what someone offers in relationship when striving can begin to cause problems as a far as victor living is concerned. Relationships were never meant to be the end all, be all when it comes to our ability to understand and live out our identity. Yet, there are so many of us who view our important relationships as absolutely necessary as far as identity is concerned.
I believe that's one of the main reasons why divorce is such a significant problem in our world today. We have been brought up with the notion that there is someone out there who will complete us. We are so hungry for that completion that we will do whatever it takes to find and come together with that person. Striving can become such a necessary strategy for those of us looking for relationships to augment identity.
It is when we wake up to the fact that the person we worked so hard to connect with is just as identity concerned as we are that divorce becomes such a viable alternative. Thinking that that perfect person will do what they need to do in order to make your identity secure is such a victim thinker's paradise. Looking to any relationship for the ability to determine, confirm and maintain identity is something that relationship was ever intended to do.
That previous statement is true with all relationships we might enter into with the exception of one. Our relationship with God is the only relationship I have found that guarantees identity. The interesting thing is that we don't have to strive for relationship with God - it is there freely for the taking. Sadly, that is something we get all wrong as we allow striving to be a part of the process when it comes to seeking relationship with God.
Our Bible reading today shows what a real relationship with God looks like.
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
How many of us strive for the kind of devotion shown in this verse above? God Himself goes with us and will never leave us. Because of that we don't have to be afraid. What an amazing promise from the Bible. No wonder we might think we have to work to make this promise a reality. It sounds too good to be true.
It is when we strive for relationship with God that we really mess things up. Striving comes with a reliance on our own efforts, on our own abilities to get to and get a hold of what we want. Thinking that it is all up to us to make relationship with God work is where victors find it hard to live the life God intended for them to have.
There is nothing we can do to ever be a part of the power of God walking with us other than invite Him in. We don't have to strive to get our lives together so He will accept us. We don't have to work really hard to achieve so that He will take notice of us. We don't even have to kill ourselves at devotion to Him in order to earn the favor He promises in today's Bible reading. By simply asking for and stepping into relationship with God we are immediately given what we so desperately need - a forever home, a forever identity and a forever companion that won't walk away from us no matter how badly our lives turn out.
Our reading today also makes it clear that we have to have courage when it comes to relationship with God. This isn't the case because of God's shortcomings or because of any missteps we might have in our lives. The courage we have to have is to find it in ourselves to believe in spite of what the world works so hard to tell us what relationship with this God that loves us so is all about.
Today you will find that the world wants you to do nothing more than to strive. It wants you to literally kill yourself trying to get to whatever it is you think your life needs to be. God has such a different plan.
My suggestion is to stop striving and start believing. Believe in who God says you are. As His child you are completely loved, incredibly wanted and unconditionally blessed. He has made you exactly as you are and your identity is assured as you walk out this life with Him. Have courage today and let the relationship God has made with you be the power behind all you do today.
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
How many of us strive for the kind of devotion shown in this verse above? God Himself goes with us and will never leave us. Because of that we don't have to be afraid. What an amazing promise from the Bible. No wonder we might think we have to work to make this promise a reality. It sounds too good to be true.
It is when we strive for relationship with God that we really mess things up. Striving comes with a reliance on our own efforts, on our own abilities to get to and get a hold of what we want. Thinking that it is all up to us to make relationship with God work is where victors find it hard to live the life God intended for them to have.
There is nothing we can do to ever be a part of the power of God walking with us other than invite Him in. We don't have to strive to get our lives together so He will accept us. We don't have to work really hard to achieve so that He will take notice of us. We don't even have to kill ourselves at devotion to Him in order to earn the favor He promises in today's Bible reading. By simply asking for and stepping into relationship with God we are immediately given what we so desperately need - a forever home, a forever identity and a forever companion that won't walk away from us no matter how badly our lives turn out.
Our reading today also makes it clear that we have to have courage when it comes to relationship with God. This isn't the case because of God's shortcomings or because of any missteps we might have in our lives. The courage we have to have is to find it in ourselves to believe in spite of what the world works so hard to tell us what relationship with this God that loves us so is all about.
Today you will find that the world wants you to do nothing more than to strive. It wants you to literally kill yourself trying to get to whatever it is you think your life needs to be. God has such a different plan.
My suggestion is to stop striving and start believing. Believe in who God says you are. As His child you are completely loved, incredibly wanted and unconditionally blessed. He has made you exactly as you are and your identity is assured as you walk out this life with Him. Have courage today and let the relationship God has made with you be the power behind all you do today.
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